Are you becoming self-destructive trying to rescue a self-destructive person by Odilia Rivera-Santos

Things that are out of your control are out of your control. 

The bad news is you can't save a person from him or herself; the good news is you can't save a person from him or herself. For people who grow up in a chaotic environment in which boundaries are blurred and adults behave like children, leaving children to behave as adults, the idea of being caretakers becomes ingrained.
The caretaker usually doesn't do a good job taking care of him or herself. The focus is external and there is a sense of urgency to run from crisis to crisis in order to feel useful and dependence can be seen as an expression of love and friendship; however, a truly healthy relationship is interdependent.
Partnerships are important because one person can't rely on another to be well in any sense.

The reckless caretaker
The caretaker loves a challenge and continually seeks a more difficult 'case' to handle, and this often leads the caretaker to abandon his or her own health and well-being while trying to 'rescue' a self-destructive person. Compulsive caretaking is a self-destructive behavior because you are ignoring your own life and your own needs.
If you have friends or relatives on the deck of the Titanic, polishing their toenails, do you sit by their side or do you move on and polish your own toenails in the safety of your living room?

When you feel the urge to rescue a person against his or her own will, do five self-care actions to remind yourself you are allowed to enjoy your life. This is not to say one should become callous -- if someone asks for help, refer them to resources which would be of use, but do your best not to take on someone else's problems in your personal life. I have met many social workers who carry the title with them everywhere they go, becoming their relatives' and friends' social worker as well.

Sometimes, you have to make a list of people who make your smile and those who exhaust you after a five minute conversation, and decide what you want for yourself and how you want to spend your very valuable time.