At Brooklyn Church, Head of NAACP Denounces Stop and Frisk - WNYC

At Brooklyn Church, Head of NAACP Denounces Stop and Frisk - WNYC

Why would someone want to date you? by Odilia Rivera-Santos

There's nothing like a little self-assessment and self-awareness when you've nothing extravagant to do. We do Spring cleanings and periodically look through our belongings in the dead calm of winter to discard sweaters, hats and coats we no longer use, need or like. But we don't often look at our personalities as if it were a large closet and start plucking things from hangers and shelves.
At the close of a romantic relationship, a lot of people enjoy diagnosing a former lover. We listen to the stories with a sly smile. It is often the case that the teller sees him or herself as having been the better half of the relationship.
The flurry of adjectives and diagnoses gotten from pop psychology books and talk shows are all too predictable. Your ex was crazy and you were totally cool and never lost your temper.
Another angle would be to ask questions which would help with the evolutionary process from swamp thing to mature loving adult.
'Why would someone want to date me?'
'In what ways did I fail to be the real me in this relationship?'
'Was I honest about what kind of relationship I wanted?'
'Was I honest with my partner?'
'What are my best and worst qualities?

Using every experience to become a better person means you win. You'll show up as a better person in friendships, at work and in the most risky place there is: in love.

This could be an entertaining afternoon activity --  sorting through the personality characteristics you no longer want to use, need or like. And when you're done re-booting, ask yourself
'Why would someone want to date me?'

express gratitude and indulge yourself by accepting love and support from great people by Odilia Rivera-Santos

We are all travelers 

Finding the right people for a journey through the successes and failures in life is not always easy. Perhaps, you've gravitated toward people because they are familiar -- but, familiarity is not always a positive thing. Sometimes, the persons around you as an adult are a reflection of those souls with whom you were 'blessed' to share your childhood.
Everything -- good and bad -- is an experience in learning and spiritual growth.
While teaching writing classes, one of my most popular assignments was to have students write a detailed description of the most painful experience each had had as a child. Instead of having the student retell a dramatic history, they were required to write down three lessons from the experience.
They had to boil down the terrible story to one sentence and read the three lessons -- I thought this might create another pathway in the brain.. . a way to divest the terrible memories of their power to injure by supplanting the thoughts with something positive.
In many cases, the dramatic story faded to the background after students expressed gratitude for what they had learned. When you're a child, experiences are out of your control to a certain extent, but looking back as an adult, there is a beautiful re-framing.

How can you learn without pain?

As adults, people can examine the pros and cons of having certain people in our lives. If one is feeling particularly vulnerable, it is important to examine the platonic or romantic attraction to certain people. Relationships can provide support or re-ignite old pains. There are power dynamics are play in every relationship, but this needn't be a struggle for power or people trying to be the most influential. A healthy relationship has a fluidity of power, abilities, and interpersonal exchanges which strengthen each person's healthy characteristics.
Relationships are spiritual and sacred if we let them be.
Learning from another person as an adult can be a great experience if the exchange occurs through constructive criticism or some brainstorming sessions in which you help each other.
No one is perfect and we all have something to learn from another person.

Letting go of the 'wrong' people

Let go of people who are destructive to themselves and those around them. When you see yourself in the company of persons with whom you are in profound disagreement regarding your views of the world, ethics and life purpose, ask yourself why you are aiming so low and step back. Pray for the angry, the pessimists, the materialistic lulled into a sense of superiority by the expensive objects they own. Pray and let go.

Expressing gratitude and accepting love
When you see someone doing something you'd like to do, be humble and ask the person HOW he or she did it.
When you are tempted to be envious of someone else in your circle, consider how lucky you are to be in the company of someone you admire -- this is a sign you're headed in the right direction.
When you can say 'congratulations' and mean it, a new energy flow opens up.
Give love and you get love.
When someone offers to do something for you, accept this as a sign of love and admiration.
Accepting love is abundance. The things we possess have no foundation without a spiritual foundation.