The work of changing one's perspective can be long and arduous, especially if a person sees negative traits as an integral part of herself.
I'm reminded of smokers who are horribly offended if you say 'it stinks of cigarettes in here' because they identify with the cigarette/their addiction to the point of personalizing a comment about smoke.
Learning from my students
While working with undocumented immigrants, survivors of domestic violence, and individuals on public assistance, I noticed how many of those with Medicaid were on antidepressants.
One woman would fall asleep in class despite being highly motivated to learn. I asked her why she was so sleepy and she explained it was the antidepressants she was taking. She was a young single mother, a victim of domestic violence and living in a homeless shelter. Her doctor had given her several meds, which made her so drowsy she could sleep twelve hours and still be tired. She was not able to function -- just like the individuals on Methadone with whom I'd also worked.
A young, intelligent Colombian woman of color with many reasons to be unhappy was classified as 'depressed.'
There are very few people who could endure what she had endured without emotional support -- she had no family or friends in New York. She told me she was falling asleep on the train, and I told her to go to a different doctor. She had considered changing doctors but didn't want to 'offend' her doctor.
A woman just coming out of a domestic violence situation rarely takes the initiative to take care of herself.
I kept prodding until she made an appointment with another doctor. The new doctor weaned her off of all the meds. He said she didn't need any of the drugs and recommended therapy.
It is very dangerous to stop taking antidepressants unless you do so with the help of a physician, so if you want to change your medication, make an appointment with your doctor.
Once she got off the meds, she was focused, attentive and happy to be in class. She no longer feared she would lose custody of her three-year-old, and then, I began working with her perspective.
I pointed out every time she made a negative comment about herself, her life, her past, her ex-husband, her prospects in life and she would smile and say 'I did it again!'
After a while, she would say 'I no say negative thing.' And she would stop herself.
She wrote gratitude lists in class, and I had her write about what her painful experiences had taught her. Bad experiences are like shopping at a thrift store; if you're determined, patient and willing, you will find something worthwhile but you may have to dig through a lot of crap first.
I learned a lot about human behavior, depression and the power of positive or negative self-talk from this student.
No emotional Support
She had no family support, no friends, and her world view had been shaped by an abusive childhood and abusive husband. She was taught to not trust people or to speak to anyone about her problems -- this was something her abusive parents and husband needed in order to stay out of prison. She was taught to protect those who hurt her the most.
Internalize the negativity and torture from childhood
She was taught that 'reality' was to expect nothing good and to accept she deserved crumbs. She was beautiful, smart and charming and dated abusive losers. She internalized her childhood abuse by seeking the familiar -- she chose to date a man who was similar to her abusive mother, father or both.
Maintain very low expectations
Her parents taught her that someone from her background would never be successful, and any attempt to succeed would end in humiliating failure. She got married at a young age to an abusive man and this provided continuity.
She lived as if she were in a prison from her parents home to her husband's -- he controlled the finances and didn't allow her to work.
Doctor as batterer
After she finally left her husband, she ended up in a homeless shelter and a doctor put her on meds. She may or may not have needed an antidepressant, but she was a battered woman not accustomed to questioning an authority figure or disagreeing with someone she considered 'superior' in some way.
A woman recovering from a life of violence cannot trust her thinking around authority figures because her survival mechanism was to acquiesce. I told her to take an interpreter to her appointments or a friend just so she could have the courage to ask a question.
Sometimes, people suffer from a depressive perspective, not depression
She got off the meds, starting going to counseling and keeping a gratitude journal and I was glad to have helped her open her eyes figuratively and literally.
What happened to her?
The last time I saw her, she had gotten a job, an apartment and she was smiling. And she still called me 'teacha.'
