Are you surrounding yourself with saboteurs? By Odilia Rivera-Santos

A couple of days ago, I taught a health literacy workshop for a group of retirees. 

I challenged them to politely disengage from negative people who offer no constructive criticism. The people who say 'that's not going to work,' 'that doesn't look good' 'your idea makes no sense'

These are people who criticize everything and they never offer an alternative plan to yours; they take a hammer to your hopes, dreams and life like a rowdy group of teenagers in an abandoned house.

The critic is really a saboteur whose actions may be based in jealousy or misdirected love. They may also be people whose egos suffer from the slightest stumble in life and they can't bear to watch a friend take a big risk and possibly a big tumble if their ideas fail.

I challenged the group to create a community instead of surrounding themselves with the angry, disappointed or perpetually sullen. 

Retirement could offer at least that -- the opportunity to engage with people whose qualities we admire and want to emulate and whose presence brings a smile, not preparation for the defense.

Imagine the time you'd save without the stress of tapdancing for cruel judges, even if unintentionally crude.

What would happen if you left insecure people behind to do what they need to do? You might get a lot more done.

Word?

I did a Spring cleaning of my on and offline life and as my circle of friends got smaller, my life got a lot bigger. The naysayers have gone to nay elsewhere and the angry will surely find their kind in our great city where people will go to court for 5 years over an uneven sidewalk.

The Glorification of Being Busy all the time by Odilia Rivera-Santos

Good things happen to those who hustle -- Anais Nin? Jesus?
It's a cool quote but it's not Nin's

I have always loved this quote wrongly attributed to Nin and think many people misconstrue it to mean one should be doing something every minute of the day to accomplish a particular goal. Nin was a sensual woman who enjoyed slow meals with friends and parties with her intellectual peers. She was brilliant, clever and had the financial support of a husband as she meandered through her journey as an artist, writing about every aspect of her life, taking lovers and financing other artists' projects.

'Good things happen to those who hustle' has more to do with taking advantage of opportunities as they present themselves, if the fit is right, than the idea one must run from action to action all day and fall into bed exhausted every night. Ms. Nin took plenty of naps in her garden with a book slipping out of her fingertips while her lover caressed the tendrils around her face. She was no nine-to-fiver running from apartment to train station at rush hour, losing a shoe on a grate in the process.

Nin knew how to chill and kick back and sprinkle a bit of her brilliance and feminine powers to make things happen. There is a finesse to not forcing things, to not barking up the wrong tree too ferociously for too long, to not being desperate to get things done and to not expecting the worst.

THE BUSY LIFE AND NUMBNESS

Adrenaline is a great painkiller. Being busy can keep you numb and prevent you from grieving a death, grieving the end of a relationship or dealing with the emotions that come with everyday struggles in life.

Maybe, you've kept yourself outrageously busy because you fear taking a close look at your life and how the little fires are becoming infernos. 

Maybe, if you were less busy, you would find out you are lonely for family, for supportive real friendships or for a committed romantic relationship.

Maybe, you'd discover you don't like yourself as much as you'd like to and this is the driving factor behind the artificial accomplishment of being too busy all the time. 

Maybe, you don't value yourself and your accomplishments enough to believe the right work and/or the right projects will come to you.

DO YOU DARE BE LESS BUSY?

You can only examine your life and/or deepen a spiritual practice at a slow pace. 

The monkey mind going from one idea to another and from one action to another is not road to a happy life or long-lasting physical or mental health.