Prayer, Meditation and Expressing Gratitude by Odilia Rivera-Santos

There are people who struggle with the concept of 'God' or any other being or energy which might be in charge of how and when things shift in an individual life. Ego, negative connotations regarding organized religion and a reverence of intellectualism, above all else, can make prayer seem antithetical to a modern life in an urban setting.
Prayer is energy directed toward an unknown entity in order to relieve some of the angst, emotional injury and confusion of quotidian life -- this is my definition anyway. And I have found there is a definite vibrational energy created when a group of people are in the same room praying together.
I was not brought up in a family that went to church; my mother's guidance was based more on her ethics and morality than that of an organized religion. We were taught to not embarrass ourselves or our family.
I have friends who were brought up in a strict religious household and their response was to rebel and abandon all aspects of religious practice and to cringe at the mention of prayer, God, or any idea we might not know everything.

We do not and never will know everything

Life is full of strange occurrences, great beauty, cooperation between human beings, beautiful synchronicities in which a path appears to be mapped out and things work out perfectly with little effort on your part, horrific acts and injustices. We can't squander our lives in an attempt to decipher why every little thing happens. It is always a test of faith to stand your ground and pray despite dealing with what you view as unfair in your personal life or in the world.

Prayer, Meditation and expressions of gratitude

You do what you can in life. And sometimes, this means saying a prayer for those one cannot help and saying a prayer for healing in those areas of life in which one is struggling and a prayer to say thanks for whatever one has. And expressions of gratitude via a daily list can certainly soothe feelings of fear, desperation or general sadness regarding injustices in the world.

Are you comfortable playing the role of victim? by Odilia Rivera-Santos

Childhood abuse and internalizing abuse

Children often grow up in chaotic, dysfunctional homes in which they are abused, but being children, they do not have the option of packing a bag and moving out. As an adult, the onus, for dealing with a difficult childhood in which you internalized the role of victim, is on you.

I worked with male and female victims of domestic violence who held on tightly to a view of themselves as victims and this led me to some simple questions.

What are the benefits of being a 'victim'?
You don't have to take responsibility for any of your behavior; everyone else is bullying, nasty and unfair.
You don't have to grow up. You remain a child waiting for the right caretaker to guide you through the trials and tribulations of life.
You don't have to be the recipient of anger -- rational people don't yell at 'victims.'
You can feel superior to others because you are the maligned one and not the aggressor.

What would happen if you were an adult?
In a chaotic home, children and teenagers do not learn what they need to in order to feel equipped for young adult life. There are huge gaps in their education -- the education which emotionally healthy responsible parents would have provided. The hours in school can't possibly include all the lessons these kids could have gotten at home.
Learning as an adult what a 'normal' person would have learned as a child is difficult and can be humiliating to a sensitive soul.

Childhood soon turns into adulthood
Most adults will claim there were some unmet needs in childhood, teenage years, etc., and there are varying degrees of suffering within this. However, regardless of what happened in your life as a child, you have to be able to let go. I have worked with students who were victims of rape, incest, physical abuse, and verbal abuse within their households,and they were able to dig their way out of this emotional landfill -- some better than others.
Some of the students had turned to drug and alcohol abuse in order to cope with the trauma and this self-destructive decision brought many of them into twelve step programs and rehab. They were able to find solace in sharing their stories with those who'd experienced similar trauma and internalized the abuse to the point of picking up the first drink or drug.

The great thing about dropping the 'victim' role is you feel yourself grow emotionally, spiritually and psychological so you can finally catch up with your chronological age and lose the fear of abandoning a label which had, at one time, provided comfort and an excuse to hide from the world.

Are you becoming self-destructive trying to rescue a self-destructive person by Odilia Rivera-Santos

Things that are out of your control are out of your control. 

The bad news is you can't save a person from him or herself; the good news is you can't save a person from him or herself. For people who grow up in a chaotic environment in which boundaries are blurred and adults behave like children, leaving children to behave as adults, the idea of being caretakers becomes ingrained.
The caretaker usually doesn't do a good job taking care of him or herself. The focus is external and there is a sense of urgency to run from crisis to crisis in order to feel useful and dependence can be seen as an expression of love and friendship; however, a truly healthy relationship is interdependent.
Partnerships are important because one person can't rely on another to be well in any sense.

The reckless caretaker
The caretaker loves a challenge and continually seeks a more difficult 'case' to handle, and this often leads the caretaker to abandon his or her own health and well-being while trying to 'rescue' a self-destructive person. Compulsive caretaking is a self-destructive behavior because you are ignoring your own life and your own needs.
If you have friends or relatives on the deck of the Titanic, polishing their toenails, do you sit by their side or do you move on and polish your own toenails in the safety of your living room?

When you feel the urge to rescue a person against his or her own will, do five self-care actions to remind yourself you are allowed to enjoy your life. This is not to say one should become callous -- if someone asks for help, refer them to resources which would be of use, but do your best not to take on someone else's problems in your personal life. I have met many social workers who carry the title with them everywhere they go, becoming their relatives' and friends' social worker as well.

Sometimes, you have to make a list of people who make your smile and those who exhaust you after a five minute conversation, and decide what you want for yourself and how you want to spend your very valuable time.